No Regrets

This last Saturday I got the news that my father had passed away.

We had just celebrated his 90th birthday in December and I knew he had a sense that it would be his last. It is a long drive for me (about 8-9 hours).  But I knew it was important for me to get there.

I happened to be in Arizona at a conference, so I had to drive back to Southern California before I could make the trek to Northern Cal.  Of course, all that drive time allowed me space to think about my relationship with my dad.

Although my father was a constant presence in my life--always home at 4:30, 4 weeks of vacation every year--he was not very demonstrative with his feelings.  I grew up wondering if I was loved, or maybe if I was love-able.  A lot of my personal growth involved letting go of the need for my father to demonstrate his love and accepting him for who he was.

Once I had done that, I came to a peace and acceptance of the dad I really did have.

And I found out that I liked him. He was intelligent, yet kind and gentle.  And I knew he was rooting for me to succeed in life.  And even though he couldn't express it easily, I know that he loved me.  And I can say without reservations, that I loved him.

And with his passing, I realize that all that work in recovery was worth it.  I feel at peace and I have no lingering regrets.

Paul says, "Let no debt remain outstanding, but the continuing debt to love one another..." (Rom. 13:8).

Are you working to clear the ledgers in your life so that you can say there are no regrets? The work we do now will reap benefits later.  I speak from experience.