The Christian and Grief

I am feeling saddened this week.  Becky Wells, our Children's Ministry Director, passed away suddenly on Friday night.  She was a member since the planting of our church 10 1/2 years ago.  She was also a member of our Board of Directors.

The suddenness of her death was shocking.  She was expected at her oldest son's house Friday night where she was going to spend time with her week-old grandson.  But, evidently, she stopped by her high-security office building to do something at work.  They found her on Saturday slumped over her desk.

Christians often go through a lot of emotional conflict when they try to deal with this kind of tragedy.

In the book of Job, his associates who come to comfort him after his losses, although speaking many words of wisdom, failed to comfort their grieving friend.

"Miserable comforters are you all!" (Job 16: 2).

Yes, we know that Becky is in a better place.  Yes, we know we are all destined to join her.  Yes, we realize that God is sovereign and we all submit to His wisdom and knowledge.  These truths, though spoken with conviction by well-intentioned comforters, often fail to comfort the grieving.

You see, we are still human.   We feel the pangs of grief like everyone else.  We shake our heads in disbelief when we think of all the good things about the person we've lost.  We begin to feel a deep sense of loss when we consider what might have been.  Some may even feel a lot of regret over unresolved issues.

Sometimes the best comfort we can provide to the person who is grieving is our presence.  The reassurance that, as the person goes through the grieving process, we will tarry with them.

Job's friends sat with him in silence for seven days.  This was probably the most comforting thing they could do.  But Job's expression of grief in chapter 3 was too hard to listen to.  They had to correct Job, they had to try and fix him, set him right and defend God against his compaints.  And their attempts just made things worse.  It increased Job's pain, instead of bringing him comfort.

"If only you would be altogether silent! For you, that would be wisdom" (Job 13: 5).

In the end, the comfort that Job was seeking came only with the arrival of God Himself.

"My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you..." (Job 42: 5).

It is only the presence of God that can bring the comfort we need.  Christians indeed grieve, but not like those "who have no hope" (1 Thes. 4: 13).  We look to God Himself to respond with His comforting presence.  And those of us who seek to help would do well to simply tarry with the one who is grieving, looking for God's presence to do what we cannot.